Our blog to talk about the trials and tribulations of miscarriage

Commemorating your baby after miscarriage

After miscarriage there are many dates that are triggers. One for me is my due date, which coincidentally is today. So I thought why not write my first blog on something that I know countless parents struggle with.

So how do you commemorate your baby on their due date?

There are lots of options to commemorate your baby after baby loss and I suppose each one has its pros and cons. But the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you, your baby and your family.

Picture showing ideas for self care after miscarriage

Here are a list of 10 ways that you could honour your baby.

1. Balloon release

We love the idea of a balloon release, there seems to be something really special about the balloons floating gently away. You can even write a note to your baby and attach the notes to the balloons.

Pros: All the family can be involved no matter where they are,  

Cons: Can be environmentally unfriendly, you may need to seek permission from your local authority, this is something that will be gone within minutes.

Miscarriage memorial balloons with message attached

2. Make or buy a cake.

I find baking a calming activity (and love the end goal) and why not light a candle and remember your baby before blowing it out.

Pros: Cake!, its inexpensive, you can do the same thing annually if you wish to and did I mention cake?

Cons: Calories! But in all seriousness, this is something that will be gone within a few hours/days.

3. Plant a flower, tree or shrub

Pros: Will grow and mature, can be easily visited. Can be permanent.

Cons: Can be subject to bugs that may harm your plant. You can’t take it with you when you move (if you have planted it in the ground).

4. Dedicate a tree or a bench

Some people like to dedicate a tree or a bench to a loved one. Visit:  https://bute-park.com/legacies-memorials/#trees to find out how you can dedicate a tree or a bench at Bute Park, Cardiff.

Pros: Trees will grow and mature, can be easily visited. Permanent. Someone else will care for the tree.

Cons: Can be subject to disease that may harm your tree. There may be a small chance that benches may be subject to vandalism.

5. Get a tattoo

Some people find having a tattoo a source of comfort. There are many ideas on Pinterest.

Pros: It is permanent, can include more than one baby, can be adapted to include future children, can be as subtle or as elaborate as you’d like

Cons: It is permanent, you need to find a good tattoo artist and have a clear idea what you want or be able to work with the artist to create something that you are happy with.

Miscarriage memorial tattoos

6. Get some jewellery

Jewellery can be a great way to commemorate your baby. There are jewellery sites that are dedicated to baby loss. You can get ashes turned into jewellery or you could put the ashes into urn necklaces.

Pros: Can be worn on days that suit you. No one else need know what the jewellery signifies if you don’t want them to.

Cons: Can be lost.

7. If you are crafty , why not make something for your baby such as a pebble frame?

Pros: Can be personalised exactly to suit you and your family.

Cons: Can be frustrating if, like me, you are not quite as crafty as you envisage.

Two knitted hearts to commemorate miscarried baby

8. Write a letter to your baby

This can be as simple as letting them know what has gone on since they’ve been gone or as detailed as all your feelings and emotions.

Pros: Can be quite cathartic and it’s something that can be done year after year. 

Cons: Can be quite emotional and may leave you feeling drained. 

9. Write your baby’s name on a pebble or shell while out walking or write your baby’s name in the sand.

Sometimes, just seeing your baby’s name can be a source of comfort. Why not take a permanent marker and go out for a walk and write your name on a few stones or shells (I don’t recommend graffitiing).

Pros: Can be a comfort, gets you out of the house. 

Cons: If you leave your stone or shell in nature, you probably will never find it again. The sea will wash away your ‘sand art’.

10. Certificate of life

After miscarriage, some people struggle with the lack of something tangible. You can make a certificate of life yourself or order an e-copy via Morgan’s Wings free of charge.

Pros: You can keep it forever and it provides you with acknowledgement that your baby existed.

No matter what you choose to do to commemorate your baby after baby loss the most important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and do what feels right for you, your baby and your family.

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Let us know below what you have done to commemorate your baby

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